Irony

Every year, around this time, the thread ceremony is performed. This year, I was in airports and planes on the two designated days. 

Called my mom to tell her that work just trumped "Aaavaniavittam" and she told me to do it Sunday morning instead. 

So this morning I got up (never slept thanks to Jet lag is more like it), changed the thread, chanted the Gayathri mantra a 1008 times.

Funny thing is that when you sit in the same spot for an hour and you still think you are 25 years old.. one forgets that the lower half of your body is numb from lack of blood flow.

Tried to stretch my legs and get up and just fell down in one swoop. It was like I had no legs.. took me some time to realize what had just happened. Eventually the circulation returned and wrapped things up. Don't know that this is telling me other than "you need to do this more often so that you can recover from sitting cross legged for an hour and a half, sooner" 

Amma, this one is for you!

Given my mom is "worried" about my hair loss, this angle perfectly avoids the bald spot.. so going forward, going to make this the default angle! 

Now why Irony? Well, as part of the thread changing ceremony we use rice and sesame seeds in water as an offering.

 

Given my allergy to sesame seeds, playing with that water is like playing with fire for me. Maybe there is a hidden lesson for me in that as well. 

All said and done, there is a new thread and I look forward to explaining this to folks who ask about it over the next few weeks, from new yoga buddies to TSA agents!

While searching for previous links on the thread changing cermony, found this one.. someday the little one is giong to see what she puts her daddy through!

Another year.. still learning.. still searching for answers!

A thousand moons

Last week was eventful for the family. My in-laws visited us. San's uncle from Australia also visited us. The big event?

My MIL's dad's brother crossed a 1000 moons! It is a big deal in South India and there is a grand celebration

- when a person crosses a 1000 full moons

- is still married to the same person 

The couple get to perform a prayer that is a mix of "thank you god for the 1000 moons and the happy married life" and a wish "for many more moons". Once they finish the ceremony, they get some kind of rock star status and everyone gets their blessings. In Chennai (Madras) where I grew up, this function is so auspicious that once the couple finish the prayer, folks who were not invited to the function just show up in a long line to fall at the couples feet to get their blessings. 

Used to see a few of these ceremonies as a kid. They are rare events in a place where life expectancy for men was 62 and women was 64 twenty years ago. A thousand moons is approximately 29,501 days .. and happens close to the persons 80th birthday. 

Given most of the folks who are in their 80's got married very young (some of it was child marriage), the ladies who survive this ceremony should actually be the rock stars.. at least that is my humble opinion. Putting up with any guy for those kind of periods deserves a lifetime achievement award. 

In recent memory, I have attended three of these ceremonies. 

First in 2005 (San was pregnant with the little one then and Jr. was a toddler) we attended my maternal grandpa-grandmas function. Still have great memories from that one.

Then in 2007 when the little one was 14 months old, we went for San's paternal grand parents ceremony. Was mostly inside a dark and dingy room in the marriage hall taking care of the little one, who was very cranky and almost missed most of the happenings. (have only a few photos from that event on my camera rolls!). It was a great party of sorts again with a large family.

Then there was last weekend. San's maternal grand-uncle celebrated it. Given he is local, they celebrated it here instead of in India. How they managed to get enough folks well versed in the Vedas to do the recitation and prayers was in itself impressive, not to mention them going through a long ceremony with a smile.

They reminded me a lot of my own grandparents. When a guy who is 80 can make his lady smile for his jokes and make her blush at times, after being married to her for what appears to be a jillion years, it is more than an example for the younger generation.

You get a glimpse of what it takes to have a long and happy married life.

I realized there is a lot of work to do on my joke list!

The next generation (my parents, in-laws, uncles and aunts on both my side and Sangeetha's side of the family) are all getting around the 70 year mark.

Our sincere hope that a lot of them make it to a 1000 moons and we get to see more such ceremonies in this lifetime.

We also got to see Jr. dress up in her half saree for this occasion. She is the same height as her mother now and has declared herself a teen, even though she has a few months to go before her 13th birthday.

Now the in-laws and Uncle have gone back, the house feels empty, save for the occasional fighting between Jr. and the little one.

San and me have only another 36+ years to go.. just typing that out made me want to go to the bathroom.

I plan to interview these people in detail and find out more about their winning strategies. 

When a man gives a woman

This post started as a comment in Dipali's blog. It got too long and became a post here instead!

Fathers are told that the greatest deed a man gets to perform in his lifetime is to give his daughters hand in marriage. The part of the marriage ceremony where the girls father gives away the bride is called Kanya-dhan. Kanya means "virgin" and dhan means "giving" in Sanskrit. The idea of Kanya-dhan being taken literally to be girl-gifting sounds crude, and if taken in todays world, is crude!

Jambu Sastrigal, the man who performed our wedding ceremony explained the significance of Kanyadanam to my FIL during the ceremony..(I was an irritating groom who asked Why? What? for everything). He patiently explained almost every ritual that we performed. Between him and my own grandpa, they had all those rituals covered and most of them pertained to a south Indian marriage where the groom was in his early teens, the girl was still not a teenager (not a woman yet), the whole wedding set in a village setting, arranged marriage, more involvement from parents than the bride and groom, etc. etc.

The priest went on to explain "When you give anything away, you are doing Punyam (more along the lines of "if you love somebody, set them free") and there is no greater punyam than getting your daughter married!" In any case, made my FIL and my father feel elated at the prospect of doing such a great deed!

In todays context though, half the rituals do not make sense because it does not fit todays world. The whole Jaanvasam thing where the groom goes around on a horse or in a "convertible Car" all around the village was to show his face to the local crowd to see if he was already married to anyone! Something along the lines of "if there is anyone who has a problem with this marriage speak up, or forever hold your peace!" in Christian weddings. Today guys go in closed cars around a few blocks in some strange city! Local detective agencies and Google have eventually replaced the car ride today!

If you look at things in the same context, Kanyadhan itself may not mean much to youth. It might still mean something to the parents!

There is something to be said for the marriage ceremony though. The fact that you promise to take care of the person (till death do us apart, in sickness and in health , etc. etc. whatever be the words, whatever be the language .. a living one like English or an arcane one like Sanskrit), the nature of the commitment is somehow put in context when all those people sprinkle rice and flowers on you and bless you as you "get married".

To put it in a geeky nerdy way, it was almost as though a wormhole opened and somehow some deep connections were made in my brain that would take that moment in time and freeze frame it inside my head for the rest of my life. Somehow, that point in time and space has become a new origin for me and it was all because of the ambience. Some credit does go to the gorgeous bride sitting on her dads knees and the dimple on her chin as she looked down and smiled, but most of the credit goes to the ambience. The sight of a sea of people who had come to bless the union, the sound of those people and the priests wishing you well, the smell of garlands, incense, ghee, camphor, smoke.. it was a combination of all those things!

We did have a registered wedding as well with our parents and a witness, but it pales in comparison to the experience of the "kanyadanam" ceremony! Somehow I would have missed all that in the registered wedding. (San agrees!).

If you are a south Indian bride or groom tossing between a formal wedding ceremony and a registered wedding, go for the formal ceremony, if and only if you will have almost a thousand people at your wedding, both of you are willing to go through that ceremony, you have a priest who explains things in context and most importantly, you have an open mind to a great cultural experience!

It will be worth it!

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The time, it keeps on flying..

As a person who skipped Kindergarten completely and went to first grade at the age of 4, the whole hoopla about a pre-Kindergarten graduation ceremony for Jr. sounded crazy!

Graduation party ? For graduating from what ? Playing in the yard ?

Add to that the timing of the party at 10:30 in the morning on a weekday, there was no way I was attending the ceremony. Jr. came and gave me the extra special hug and kiss and practically begged me to come. I still had to disappoint. San however relented and went for an hour. Apparently the ceremony was a huge success. All the parents were teary eyed that their little ones were now graduating from the daycare and moving on to different schools to attend KG.

In a way, I guess it is fitting to have some kind of graduation, because making it through all that playing in the yard, knowing your ABC's and 123's is an accomplishment by itself. All that hype with the gowns, tassels and caps are a little too much, but maybe even that is for the better ! They get used to the graduation ceremony concept at an young age.

The only problem was that San took the old S30 to take pictures.
San suffers from a not so rare disease called newmachineophobia where the symptoms are :
initial fear of touching new machine
expectation of extensive hand holding in terms of using said machine
learning to love the machine
hogging the machine
forgeting that they actually were afraid of the machine at one time
declaring that they always were okay with the machine

The beauty of this disease is that it cures itself. We have seen her go through this with the car, the van, new DVD players, cameras, camcorders, etc. Now she is going through it with the new Canon EOS! So she took the S30, which failed to open its shutters during the ceremony! Now we are waiting for photos from cameras of the other parents who were present, so I can get glimpses of what happened at the ceremony.

To compensate, I took a photograph of the little one with her hat..

Now, that is something to get all teary eyed! My little baby is all grown up..

In other news, this blog graduates after its second year and on to its third! Let us see if can go on for another year!

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