Co-optex, Solidaire, Samuelson's Economics books

These days when you go to a portrait studio, the assistant tells you

1. you get so many poses
2. you are allowed this many dress changes
3. you get this many props
4. you are allowed this many backgrounds

Then the adults in the family enter into roundtable discussions on who is wearing what color, how to optimize the contrast of everyones dress colors, the props and the background and either

a. launch into a philosophical discussion on color and background
(typically done by the grandparents) where statements like

"andha kaalathula naanga ellam jamakkalam dhan background-aa use pannuvom. Appove photo nalla dhan varum!"

"In those days we used floor spreads as the background and the photos would still come out nice!" followed by

"En ponnukku enna? .. saaku thuniya kattinaa kuda azhagaa dhan iruppa!"

"What does my daughter lack? .. even if you make her wear a flour sack she will look beautiful!" which invariably sends a not so young man into a dream scene where the woman is wearing only a "saaku thuni" and without realizing it blurts out "saaku thuni ondi pottunda endha ponnu dhan nalla irukka maataa?"*** (Won't any girl wearing just a flour sack be beautiful?")***

b. try to infuse logic into the situation (typically done by the young parents)

If the kids stand in front of me and complement my blue sari, then it doesn't matter where you stand or what color you wear.. they are going to look at the girls in the picture anyways! or

The Stephan Boltzmann law clearly states that for a black body like mine the radiation of color is dependent on the constant Sigma which is equal to .. enge en log tablesa konjam edu paapom! (can you go get me my logarithmic tables book please!)

or

c. run around in like crazy chicken around the studio, oblivious to any color discussions going on.. (typically done by the kids)

One thing is true though. In those days there were no simple backdrops. You went to Sathyam studio and they had this artwork painted on the wall with a archway and laurel wreaths and every family would take a photo under that same background.

The once in two year home portrait sessions where a relative or hired cameraman took photos of the entire family (we are talking an assembly of ~40 folks here) would usually be with creative "Co-optex" handloom blanket backgrounds.

Laughing at this photo now, but for 25 year ago Chennai technology, it is pretty cool!

While today the props include nicely painted ponies, giant alphabet blocks, fake rocks and dinosaurs, the early eighties saw large scale solid state devices like Philips Radios and Solidaire TV's as props. Why not? You have just started enjoying good times and this whole photo session is to get a sampler of the "times they are a changing".

The only prop that we actually remember being there perpetually for no reason were those heavy Economics books by some dude called Samuelson. For years the family starred at this series of books neatly sandwiched between two elephants on top of the radio. Had dad ever read those books? Did he buy them to show off? What kind of a sick dude would show off with such dull books which seemed a cardboard read even for 5th graders?

The last India trip did have a search for the elephants and the Samuelson books for pure sentimental value, but were not be found.

At least the two photos are digitized now and will be around for Jr. and the little one to see 25 years later.

What would props and background look like in the early 30's?

2030's that is!

***Do not try this type of comment at home. Comment made by professional son-in-law under controlled conditions.

.

Aaalum Velum palluku urudhi

What does that mean?

(it means that your teeth get stronger if you brush it with twigs from certain trees .. Pipal/Neem to be more specific)

You see, people in the villages in south India used to use twigs from these trees to brush their teeth. Western medicine has finally caught up with the twigs and rumor has it that there are neem farms in Florida where medical research is coming up with neem extracts for curing gum diseases. Now, that is one instance of a natural product that helps dental care. But there are other issues with this.

I tried brushing with a neem branch when I was 5 or 6 years old and did more damage to my teeth than good! While the chemicals in the neem twig are medicinal, twigs are pretty rough on the teeth and gums. Colgate and Binaca toothpaste (or Margo Neem soap for that matter) made it the best of both worlds! As you have probably figured out by now, this post is going to do a 270 degree turn and veer far from the neem twig freeway!

If you are a regular of this blog, you probably know that it sticks 80% to "a naturalized American from India, raising kids in the USA", "how to get the best of both worlds", "how to deal with the worst from both worlds" , etc.. and the other 20% is posts on events that affect the blogger and his family like Bailouts, Voting, travel issues etc.

By now, you have also heard me complain that there is a blatant double standard imposed on Indians who live abroad for the most part, by telling them that they have no right to say anything that could be interpreted as negative. Apparently only people who "live with the problems" can say "where is the problem?" or "we have a problem", and it is some kind of right that has been "earned"!

Now what has this got to do with "Aaalum Velum..."?

This phenomena of "you don't live here anymore, so go mind your business" is true of anyone who leaves a place to go live elsewhere, and is one of those Anthropology things for all I know, and chances are, there are detailed paragraphs in Manu sastra which tell you about this!

Sarcasm apart, my dad tells me that when their family left the village to come settle in Madras (this was 60 odd years ago), they would get the same treatment when they mentioned things like "antibiotics", western medicine (vaccinations), etc. when they went back to the villages and they would see people die of causes that had preventive cures in the City!

They would get the "aalum velum pallukku urudhi" lecture, blown to extraordinary proportions from the guys who never left the village.

It was just funny to see the problem is a universal one (the people, the settings, the issues may be different) which has nothing to do with George Bush, Oil Wars, American Capitalism, Indian culture, etc. etc. All those are just detractors used to argue the "Protectionist" logic. (If I find a good book that deals with this subject, will let you know. Worse case, when I finally retire, tired and broke, a long time from now, will write a book on this topic with the same title as this post and hopefully make some money! After all, universal topics have great readership.)

Fast forward to thirty years ago! Similar things happened to my FIL who decided to graduate from IIT Madras, and go settle in Bombay because he got a really good job there, where he felt he made a difference. He got married to a Tamizh girl, they had San while they were in Bombay and when he would come back to Madras and tell people of how things are "done differently in Bombay" and seem to work for the better, he would get a different version of "Aaalum Velum..." except this time the reasons would be tradition, Tamizh culture, lack of Agraharams in Bombay etc. etc.

Now fast forwarding to the last 13 years or so (ever since my first trip back to India after coming to the USA to study), the same thing happens to me. I get that same "you are an outsider" treatment (this has been irrespective of F1/H1B/Green Card/Citizenship). All I am allowed to do is send money to repent for making that choice to go abroad to study, then work, then raise a family, be some kind of emotional punching bag for the near and dear ones when they see all their problems, as being due to the most energetic person in the family, not being around to do all kinds of errands, from getting Pachchai Milagai from the local grocery store to standing in line for Milk coupons.

Even got a lecture once along the lines of "sundaram, viralukku eththa veekam dhan daa irukkanum.." (Sundar, a finger should only swell to the right size.). What is implied is that if one finger in a hand grows too long, then either the finger has to be cut or the whole hand is to be cut as it will become useless. The translation was, that the average family wanted me to be an average guy so I fit in. So any suggestions to change anything would be considered as a finger too long!

Things have changed a lot, now that everyone in the family has visited the USA or some other country over the years and the advent of the internet penetrating the households. These days I even get sympathy from family when people misunderstand me, things in the USA, how somehow I am responsible for all of GWB's actions, the Iraq war, rising prices etc. They somehow understand that my getting to vote and voting for Obama is taking a stand for issues! At least the ones who understand correct the ones who don't.

Us vs. Them is not a new concept. It has existed for ages, be it in the east or west or anywhere else for that matter, with a varying demographic segment!

Used to end a lot of conversations with "the world is shrinking!". Do not know if it is shrinking or just segregating into a lot of little pockets, like milk that curdles in front of your eyes or blood cells that segregate into little pockets on a slide when the CSI agent puts that special reagent on them, each drop unable to merge with its nearest neighbours*.

Do not know what my girls will go through a few decades from now. What will be the centerpoint of the argument over which they will be taking sides? What will be their choices? Will have to live and see where all this is going.

For the interim, the blogger and this blog are doing to take a resolve to increase the % of lighter side of life posts. It is better to have face to face discussions with folks.

The internet seems to be a wrong medium for a lot of topics.

See you all around!

For now, this blog takes a break from seriousness.

*In 1993, an undergrad student complained to my department head asking that I be warned for using the word "neighbour" when I corrected his Materials 101 exam! He was apparently offended by my spelling and his claim was that he was studying in an American University and he did not have to be corrected on his answer with a "British" spelling. So much for Us vs. them!

.

The older blogger

TIRED!!!!

LOBSTER.

WTFIROTFLMAO?

OMGWHTWCT?

.

This is really extreme, duh!!!!

Lot of bull shit to exasperate reader.

What the %$^* is rolling on the floor laughing my @$$ off?

Oh my god What is this world coming to?

Now, for the post!

When I see such abbreviated comments in my inbox like ROTFLMAO, I used to be puzzled. My abbreviations on internetiquette slang was limited to the understanding of OMG, WTF and LOL !

Now there is all these ROFL, ROTFL, ROTFLMAO, ROTFLCONFUSIUS, ROTFLMANMOHANSINGH, etc. etc.

HTGCOSUDTUWTCIAA!

Have to go check out what the comment is all about!

Why? Why?

I am old. It is difficult enough to understand it when spelled out!

PLEASE...

(Please Limit Extensively Abbreviated Spoken English...)

.

How to make a happy person happier

Yes! I would like to write a self help book with that title but I doubt it will sell many copies because no one is interested in making the happy, happier!

Yet, this is a conundrum many of us middle aged folk?!, face every year, be it shortly before an India trip or during gift giving festivals when our parents, in-laws or older relatives are here in the US.

Why should giving a gift to someone in the 55-80 age group who have kids and grandkids, be so difficult ?

I will elaborate.. Finally I have the time and inclination to elaborate and I don't get paid by the word to write this blog anyways.. so I get to ramble on!

Scene 1 (1995) : (before first trip back to India)

me : (to dad) what do you want ?
Dad : get me sunglasses. The doctor has told me that my skin problem is because of direct sunlight. I wear only full sleeve shirts these days. So get me a cap and or sunglasses..
Me : sure (I go buy a Rayban for 50 bucks and take it to India)

Dad : Nice glasses. Fits me well too.. How much did you pay for it?
Me : how does that matter. You wanted glasses. You have never ever asked me for anything. I got you nice glasses that fit. Wear it.
Dad : How much did you pay for it?
Mom : Your dad was so upset that you sent all those photos by mail just three months before your trip. The postage stamp says $8.50 !(doing mental math) that was like 400 rupees! How can you be so wasteful? Where did we go wrong in raising you! You have changed in less than two years! This is exactly why I told your dad not to send you so far away! blah blah blah and more blah..
Dad : Look at him! He still has not answered my question! How much did you pay?
Me : $50. But that is the cheapest original Ray-Ban glass you can get in the US. Even if you buy it in the smuggled goods Burma Bazzaar here in Madras, it would cost you that!
Dad : Shakes his head, doesnt say anything.

(I found out in 2001 that the glasses were never worn. They stayed put in the "Godrej" locker along with jewelry and important documents. It is probably still there, accumulating in value. Someday when the world comes to an end and aliens search the earth for clues about human life, they will find that Ray-ban and will know something?)

Scene 2 (2003): (mom and dad are here on their first visit)
me : Amma, what do you want for a gift?
Mom : If you go to work at 9:00 and come home by 5:00 to be with Jr. and stay healthy, that is gift enough!
me : But what you are suggesting will get me fired and I will be sick anyways if I dont have a job and will have to support a family!.. besides, even you have the flu and you have been inside the house for the last month!
Mom : I can't talk to you anymore. I need a lawyer to talk to you. I got Sari's and Jewelry from India. Have not had a single occasion to wear them out here in this place. Start listening to your mom, at least your wife! That is gift enough..
me : I can only give you something physical which I buy from a store. That is all the bandwidth I have.. so tell me what you want!!
Mom : Then I dont want anything. I am fine!

Scene 3 (2004): (MIL is here 2nd visit. Her first visit went well. She wanted a perfume and she got it. Rather uneventful)
Me : what do you want ?
MIL : It has been almost a year since my dad passed away!
Me : (Mom was better.. Is she going to ask me to bring her dad back to life?)
I am going to shop at Wal-Mart.. Do you want any specific gift..
MIL : No. I am fine. If I need anything, I will buy it myself next time we go to Wal-Mart.. If you stop fighting with my daughter, that alone is gift enough..
Me : (ARRARGHHH! That will teach me never to leave that an open ended question...) Okay, I will try. Tell that to her also.

Scene 4 (2005) : BIL is here
Me : What do you want ?
BIL : Let's go to Fry's Electronics
Me : That's my boy!
BIL : Actually I don't need anything.. let's just window shop and if we find something, we can always order it online on black friday!
Me : (getting all teary eyed).. Anything.. anything for a guy who just said that.. take the whole store if you want!

Now that I have clearly shown you the vast divide in getting a gift for a twenty something and a fifty or sixty something, I will list all the gifts that have actually worked (even if for that moment only. This includes success stories from friends). Before we go into things that work, a short note on things that do not work! Any thing that has a US plug for 110 V, you will be cursed and will go to hell. Your IQ will also be questioned! Now back to things that do work...

1. Peppermill (preferably the fancy IKEA ones, but fill them with Cardamom seeds instead of pepper) works great for families that drink tea, and who put cardamom in their tea! You will become famous with the local 50+ crowd. The downside : You might be taking a suitcase full of those peppermills on your next India trip.

2. The cute v-tech phone (from Costco)set with four receivers which have the intercom feature between the phones! There is only one physical line that gets connected to the base with answering machine (this does not need any split lines that instantly cause problems in India with the BSNL). This also gives mom/dad, no.. just Mom, a chance to have total power over the house!

3. The one click umbrella. Click the button to open, click it to close automatically. I believe it is availble in plenty in India now and is no longer a novelty. But my grandpa liked it then years ago!

4. Handheld ear thermometers, home blood sugar test kits, blood pressure kits, etc. Works with the ladies. The ones with graphing capabilities to show trends works well with the men.

5. Digital cameras. I know, I know. They are available in India in equal abundance and for lower prices.. but believe me, most of the people I know say "Digital, bigital. Bah! This is old country. These things will never catch on here." Once someone gives it to them as a gift, they start using it, at least for a few days. Then it usually goes to the "Godrej" and they say "I told you. We are old people. We are not electronic savvy."

6. Pedometers. So they can count how many feet they walked. They tend to revel in the details.

Mom : Today I walked 2483 steps in 23 mins and 14 seconds.
Dad : Hi, how come I walked with you and did 12 steps less in the same time?
Mom : See I was on the outside closer to the street. You were closer to the pavement.. so I had to take more steps than you!
Dad : Tomorrow, I am going on the outside!

(trust me, these conversations can be very cute!)

7. Ziploc freezer bags by the box, be it sandwich, quart or gallon size. A big hit, especially if you land before Navarathri season. Ideal for packing sundal's for the visitors!

8. Polident! For those of you who do not know, the elders who have fake tooth, have a tough time cleaning their dentures in India. This effervescent tablet releases peroxide bubbles and cleans the fake teeth and prevents infection! (If you are buying these tablets, please also buy them a glass. These don't work on stainless steel tumblers. Not for the tumblers anyways! and you might be held responsible)

9. Ferro Rocher chocolates. The ones with diabetes will curse you openly, but will eat one and give you their best blessing anyways! Somehow the individually gold foil wrapped chocolates in fancy packaging does the trick. It is available in India in food world stores (I think), but the packaging is much nicer in the ones available in US stores. Mrs. May's almond crunch is another big winner.

10. Bengay!!! Now, this is the number one item that is a sure winner. I pretty much take half a suitcase of Bengay ointment when I go to India. Apparently the elders feel that the Bengay from the local costco here is far better than the Bengay available in India. Even the company that makes Bengay thinks this claim cannot be true, but they are not complaining because I shell out a few hundred bucks for the same stuff where they would make a few bucks in India for the same medicine. Now the irony of it is I bring in half a suitcase of Volini ointment from India for the senior citizens here! They claim Volini is much better than Bengay! (Look at the ingredients on both and you will laugh your behind off!). The grass (or painkiller) is always greener on the other side! All said and done, Bengay is the winner.

Happy holidays folks!

ps. Read through the comments for Laks suggestions on what not to give.

pps. Do add your suggesions in the comment section! Collective learning is a big plus on this topic!

.

Old enough is enough!!

Last week a colleague saw my screen saver and said "You guys have got to be doing something right. You are making really cute babies!".

Came home and shared the comment with the lady and she gave me "The Look"

Now that the context has been set, let me present:

Top ten signs that there won't be any more babies generated in an Indian Household...

First sign:

Her to Him : Aye, nee diaper maathu paa.. Nee dhan sooopera maathuviye! (Hi, you change the diaper. You do it so superbly!)

Him to Her : (after changing diaper on the living room floor) Idha kondu poi garbagela podu. (take this and put it in the Garbage)

Her : (!!!) why dont you put it?

Him : I am sitting on the ground. You are already standing up! Here, take it!! (and tosses heavy diaper to the Mrs.)

Second Sign :

Him : Are you working or are you surfing the internet ?
Her : Still working .. he he.. Why ?
Him : No power cord here..will come to the bed

this is a genuine gtalk conversation between a husband in the living room and the wife in the bedroom just after midnight!

Third Sign :

Him : I gave Jr. breakfast, made tea, and have been up a full hour before you woke up!
Her : Pallu thechchen, bathroom pOnen..innum edhavadhu irukka ? I gave the little one breakfast and that is a lot more difficult! (brushed your teeth, went to the bathroom, bring on the list, I gave...)
Him : Okay from tomorrow, you can get up an hour early and I will give the little one breakfast..
Her : Kizhichchai. Adhayum paakaren! (yeah right.. I would like to see that!)

this on a Saturday morning

Fourth sign :

Him : You look cuter by the day
Her : You have started yelling at me a lot, that too in front of others..
Him : I am sorry if I did. I won't do it again.
Her : don't lie. everything you said is a lie. (now, that would include the cuter by the day comment)

Now we are not talking about getting to any base, as mentioned in the official desi lovechart, we are talking about being thwarted at just plain entering the field!

Fifth sign :

Come on now... The fourth one alone was worth six!

Note : All standard disclaimers apply to this post. All special disclaimers also apply! Needless to say, everything in this post is "a lie"!

.