Could it be?

My wife seems to get on my nerves exactly the same way my mom used to get on my dad's nerves.

If your thought process is drifting towards "Sundar, don't be stupid. San and your mom are both women. You and your dad are men. This is standard operating procedure!",now, hold that thought.

There are a million variations of annoying a guy. My MIL pisses off my FIL, but her modus operandi is completely different. The irritation factor is there, but the things that irritate FIL are way different than things that irriate my dad! I also get to observe similar phenomena with my brother, BIL, friends, other relatives.

Okay, now if you are thinking "Sundar, But you and your dad are genetically similar. Maybe the same things piss you off!".

Granted that I grew up swearing to myself, not to be like my dad when growing up, but invariably the genetics catch up and Sundar at 35 is not very different from his dad at 35. Sundar at 12 was a lot different from his dad at 42, but who knew!

Still, it takes two to tango, or foxtrot, or waltz, or quick step or viennese waltz for that matter. That said, San is not genetically related to my mom! Then how come she manages to tick me off, the same way my mom irritates my dad? This got me thinking last night...

Is San becoming who she is because she has to constantly deal with me? Is that because I am increasingly approaching my dad as I grow older? Or am I becoming who I am because of constantly dealing with her? Are we essentially reliving what my parents lived through? How come we are not reliving what her parents went through when she was young? Or was it very similar? Does this mean that my kids are going to suffer a lot? Why do I sound like Deepak Chopra? etc. etc.

A million (okay, okay, a few dozen!) questions race through my mind now. At this point, cannot even think of a scientific experiment to prove or disprove any of these thoughts! Well, we watched Deepak Chopra on PBS, so at least the last question has an answer.

Should we even bother with the "will try to be different than our parents" bit? Is it pure naivete that drives us to think we will be any better than our parents when we are kids and once we have kids of our own, we grow up and realize why they were always pressed for time, tense, unable to focus a lot of times, make the decisions they made, etc. etc.

As I am about to hit the bed, can only think of one thing an ex-boss told me when his second kid was born (this was during my bachelor days).

"The world has two types of people. People who go through parenting and people who don't!"

Seems to sum up my thoughts for the day!

ps. Apparently this post makes it look like I am "Buddha" personified and that fact alone is getting on her nerves!

pps. We don't always irritate each other. Only when we bark orders to the other person when screaming kids are involved.

ppps. I get on her nerves as much as she gets on mine, but this is MY blog!! ha ha ha..

pppps. The ppps. should have read "I get on her nerves much much more than she gets on mine".. (Thanks to a reader for pointing that out..)

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Internet savvy

These days when I either remember my dad giving me the "in those days, I used to walk 50 miles home everyday carrying 50 kgs of rice on top of my head!" speech or when I give Jr. the "in those days, we used to bike 5 miles to class every day carrying 5 kgs of books on my back!" speech,

there is a realization that she will probably give her kids a little monologue along the "in those days, we had to surf 50 websites in 5 minutes" and there is a good chance that her kids will be going "in those days, we had to surf 500 links in 5 seconds!"

It is not about how long and how heavy anymore! It is how much, how fast!

A different world awaits us..

In case I haven't made the point yet with the video, Jr. can turn on the computer, open IE, go do google searches for websites or images, find my blog and read it, go to Youtube through my blog, watch videos and watch linked videos on Youtube, play online games!! etc. etc. It is very scary that she is 5 years a few months old.

Seriously thinking of putting some parental controls on the computer (need to find out if Youtube has some kind of parent guard so that she doesnt end up watching or reading something nasty)!

The world is changing constantly and these days one rarely disagrees with that statement. Somehow, generation after generation, parents feel that their children are pushing the envelope and they are not prepared enough to handle the challenges their kids dish out to them! My parents must have challenged theirs with their love for city life, compared to their parents who lived in villages.

We(myself, my brother and sister) tested our parents enough and more, and for the most part (now thinking back to those days), they were growing up with us and they still are when they see us live our life the way we do and raise kids the way we do!

Now it is our turn to grow up, and be tested by the little ones. We might not comprehend their world a few years from now, no matter how many advanced degrees we have, tech. savvy we are, etc.

Their world is different, and they will bring us challenges!

Just hope that I remember to read this post and keep my sanity and learn to let go, when Jr. and the little one push the envelope of their times...

ps. In case you didn't catch the sound in the video, the little one wants to see daddy flying, every day! She never gets her request because Jr. does what she wants anyways.. that, is another post in itself!

Two conversations..

1995 : (first trip back in India after two years in US)

auto driver : Sir, give me 25 rupees
dad : we agreed on 20 rupees. that is what you are getting.
driver (looks at me) : sir, tell your dad to be nice and not make a big deal out of 5 rupees.
me : why argue over this. just give him 25 ! (thinking along the lines of the anon commenter in the previous post!)
dad : (totally pissed and disappointed with his son) no. deal is a deal. 5 rupees is a lot of money! I told you to come by bus.. you insisted on auto. just get inside the house..
neighbour : Sir, rendu varushaththulaye unga payyanukku evvalo pana thimiru ! (in two years your son has become so arrogant with new found money).. this when I was a student still trying to make ends meet with my stipend !
Then dad and neighbour uncle go on to give me a lecture on why If I give the guy 25 rupees then everyone will expect 25 rupees as the new norm from my house and everyone in the 6 apartments we have in common !!

that was the end of my conversation with autowallahs for that trip..

later in life, I grew up and as a routine I bargain for things (including at the local toyota maintanence facility - which I did write about last year).. It doesnt matter where.. unless there is a meter or a system (like Yellow cabs in the US or the Mumbai autos and taxis), I will bargain !!

When a guy asks you 80 rupees for a trip that normally costs 70, you can give in (especially if the route has more traffic, he has to make too many U turns or if he will have difficulty in getting his next customer at your drop off point).. but 120 rupees for a 70 rupee trip ? you are getting ripped off and that shouldnt be encouraged in any country!!

Any guy who tries to rip you off should not be rewarded with an extra 50 INR so he can enjoy a nice meal !!! He should be taught the importance of making an honest living !

Second Conversation :

Jr. : Why are those people dancing ?
me : someone died and they are taking the dead person away
Jr. : why ?
me : why are they taking dead person away ?
Jr. : no. Why are they dancing ?
me : I dont know. I will find out and tell you..

She had this weird experession on her face for some time..

I thought about it and realized why ?

Dorothy (our pet fish) dies.. we are sad (because dorothy was a nice fish who didnt harm anyone)
Mosquito (in Mumbai) was killed by Jr. for first time and we rejoiced on the death (because Mosquito was a bad guy )

now , these people are rejoicing over this dead person ! could it be that he was a bad guy ?

Clearly, I need to get some clear understanding on the dancing in front of body subject.. before I can explain things to Jr..

That will be my homework for tomorrow..

Still enjoying Chennai. Today was pondy bazaar day!! Whew !! You pray to all the gods you know, close your eyes and stand in front of RMKV and before you know it the crowd drops you in front of what you want to buy.. more on that magic later..