Holi 2017

A lot of folks celebrated Holi last weekend. I had just got back from Asia and was very tired, not to mention going through tooth ache. So we were very happy to celebrate Holi this weekend with friends.

Eveyone was colored.. we saw Indians, Chinese, White folks, Hispanic folks, black folks. . . the pets.. and we pulled in the cops to play Holi as well and they were nice and got colored by the kids! 

There were a 1000+ people in Foster city and the gang went and had a fun time with colors and jumped around to music from the DJ.

Here are a few pictures that just show how big this was.. 

 

and the one shot that made my day of the 200+ taken over two hours..

Happy Holi everyone! May this year bring you a feeling of oneness with everyone around you.. When you are all colored in such hues, you realize what true equality is and happiness is in sharing love!

Today total strangers came and put colors on me and let me put colors on them.. we gave a smile, hugs and wished Happy Holi !!

As long as there is love, there is hope!

Competing for eyeball time

It is not just the Googles, Facebook's and Amazon's that are basing their business on trying to get a share of our viewing times.

Every precious nano second where your eyes are target towards any screen, now count for real $. 

So much that there are technologies out there that actually read your cell phones vibration (from the gyro) and tell the source of what you are looking at, data about how long you looked at it, glanced at it, or just plain skipped through it.. all this from how you held your phone or iPad while viewing a page!

That is not where it stops. We like in a world where our kids are labeled "post-google" which means they grew up with the internet. So this stuff rolls over.

Three weeks ago, I had a picture of the little one as my screen saver. 

Last week Jr. comes to me in the evening, snaps her hands in front of my face and says 

"booyaah! There, I now have proof!"

Me: Please stop with this booyaah agressiveness. I dont know what it means. What proof do you have of what?

Jr. : I have more proof that you love her (little one) more than you love me!

Me : It does not matter how much proof you think you have. I KNOW that I love you both the same.

Jr. : She was on your screen saver for two weeks. Then you knew I realized it and changed your screen saver to my picture and it was not even a pretty picture. That too I was on it for 2 days. now it is a picture of both of us and she says she is cuter in that picture than me! so there you go.. Booyah! 

Me : !!!!!

Now we need a software that does facial recognition and devotes equal screensaver time for the two kids. Added plus if the kids can rate your screensaver, let you know how cute they think they look in those pictures etc. etc.

We live in a world where things are measured like never before! There is more data being collected than can be analyzed with any reasonable value. 

In case you are wondering, here are the pictures of Jr. and the final joint picture where LO is supposedly cuter..

Go figure!

Now don't get me started on the Chromecast screensaver that runs on the big screen TV in the living room... 

A travelers observations.. and yes Happy Valentines!

It is 2015. The world is all connected and wired. Artificial intelligence can now recognize a cat from a picture and at the same time, a cat can get on the internet with his/her iPad! 

Yet, the world is not able to use all this connectivity and intelligence to move forward. For every advancement on one side, there is something else that forces humanity to push things backward and keep us going at the same average pace.

Take the USA. We now have gay marriages recognized in more states than 4 years ago and yet, women's right to choose and get basic contraception has taken a big step back in more states for the same time frame. Progress comes slow and steady. It is not something that happens overnight and it seems to be by design. Sometimes I keep thinking "god has a really great sense of humor"! We have on the one side folks who have worked so hard to eradicate diseases like Polio and Measles and now we have Measles parties apparently in Marin county and Polio is making a nice comeback in Pakistan. 

Now lets talk about the two biggest elephants in the room. China and India. These are large countries. Large populations and developing indigenous "stuff" helps level the playing field. 

Last time on a visit to Asia I saw the locals all sporting Jackets that said GAP, COlumbia or North Face. Anything else and you are not with the "in crowd". Folks are ready to fork out full price for iPHone 6's because it is a status symbol. Meanwhile here I am going bargain shopping at local alleyways. Now why does China work so hard to have a Baidu instead of Google, a Wechat instead of Facebook, a Youku instead of Youtube and a Redmi instead of an iPhone (okay.. that last one I like)? 

They are trying to keep everything within their family, plain and simple. It is easier said than done. Folks there want to drive BMW's and Lexus. They don't go for local brands. It is a question of currency and what you import vs. what you export. More Pepperidge farm cookies are making it across the pacific than Panda cookies the other way. 

Why bring this up? Western culture does not threaten the east and its people. It is the subtle threat of the financial impact of Westernization to the economy that is the bigger problem. Capitalism seems to have two tenets. 

1. If you are smart and or hard working, you can make it big in a capitalistic society

2. The more money you have the more chances that you will make even more money

The first one is what attracts folks who are at the bottom towards the west. You can take yours truly as a prime example. Come to the USA with 1000$ in borrowed money and we now live in Cupertino and have a great living standard. 

The second one does not work at every level. There is a threshold that moves to higher and higher $ amounts over time when that holds true. At a person level it does not make a difference, but as a company or a government it definitely holds true. Hence the scare or threat!

Valentine's day is always a tricky issue in India. Not because of the average Joe .. sorry the Average Ram or Rahim having anything against going out and having fun with their family on some pretext.  For the right wing folks it is seen as a "threat to their way of life". Now let me digress..

When my parents learned that I was ballroom dancing, they asked me to send them a picture or show them a video of what this "ballroom dancing" was. This was pre internet and youtube days. So I sent them a few pictures from a dance competition. 

The phone call that followed after the pictures reached was interesting.  My mom and dad was disappointed to see their lad holding girls in a waltz hold and the thing that was most frustrating to them was that I had the girl's hand inside my hand. That was puzzling to me.

So I asked "the fact that my body is against the girl or is touching is less offensive than my hand enclosing her hand?" and the response was interesting.

When you get married, your prospective father-in-law will give his daughters hand folded like a lotus flower and put her hand in yours. That is the first time you are supposed to hold a womans hand. Then it means something. Do you know in Weddings today folks who want to congratulate the married couple but have to leave early, go to the bride and groom and start shaking hands to wish them luck? That is so un-auspicious in the middle of the wedding ceremony. The priests in those days would stop a wedding if something like that happened.

I kind of got the "your hand in marriage" part and the "it is special if it is the first time" part. These are different days. Women work with men. They shake hands with lots of people. Men dance with women.. They hold hands with lot of women. That does not mean the "special" part is dead.

Our whole marriage happened in strange circumstances. I hardly knew San. Had talked to her for all of 20 minutes before marrying her. When her father gave her hand folded like a lotus and put it in my hand, I almost cried because my thoughts at the time were "I am sure to let this girl down. God help me fix this!" 

16 years later we are doing more than okay. My eyes still light up when she walks into a crowded room (or so the little one tells me) and she knows I breathe for her.  Lotus hand or othewise, no one knows why some relationships work and some don't. 

Now, this year we celebrate Valentines day without going out anywhere. I made Taro curry for Jr., and snake gourd kootu for San and she made my favorite rasam and Tindora curry for the little one. They are also letting me do yoga twice today to catch up on my 60 day Challenge backlog. Everyone seems to be happy so far. We have all said our "I love you"'s and are done with hugs and kisses for the morning. Was that too hard or too much to ask for?

Now, maybe if in India they create a day called "Radhe-Shyam day" or "Saavan ka pyaara divas" or some such local thing.. (a la Baidu) to coincide within a day or two of Valentines, then maybe things will work. 

Funny thing is when I mentioned that to a non desi American friend, he laughed and said "you have Holi!  It is beautiful. We all look the same when we are all colored and we get to hug everyone, put colors on everyone and celebrate. It is way better than Valentines day and I look forward to it every year and hope to get invites to some Holi party or other to take my family! "

The grass is always greener on the other side folks! As for the folks who threaten to force couples seen together on Valentines day to get married in India, they either have the IQ of a raisin or they are the ones that are caught watching Porn in Parliament. 

The US is not faring much better these days either. We have created a generation of kids in the last 12-13 years who have no tolerance for anyone who does not resemble them with respect to race, religion or language. A lot of them end up in roles that are supposed to "serve and protect" the general population and they are the last ones who should get those jobs. There are Chirstian Madrasas popping up all over the US and it is not much different from the Muslim ones in Pakistan or the Hindu ones in India.  

That said, the average population seems to be resilient and does condone the acts of the graduates of these short sighted institutions. Have seen people in the US condemn the killings in North Carolina, brutal force used against an old dad who was just walking around the neighborhood, people in India condemn acts of rape and forced marriage threats on Valentines day and the list goes on.

It is my sincere wish that the world take a step forward without taking two steps back when it comes to love, tolerance and valuing life in general. 

If we are taught that one life is better than another, there is no way we can appreciate life in general. Chuck Norris comes to mind again. 

We are now actively working on teaching our kids that every life is the same. It is harder than you think because we have unwittingly already taught them that it is not!  

That is another post for another day. For now, Happy Valentines day to everyone who cares to celebrate it. 

We should spend more time celebrating hugs and kisses in public instead of forced marriages, stonings and beheadings. 

Here's to a better tomorrow, here's to Love!

God, the matchmaker

Sometimes, when I catch a glimpse of my wife, as she is doing something in all seriousness as part of her daily routine, there is this feeling, that is a mixture of elation, pride, thankfulness followed by a flutter that is heartfelt.

There is no valid explanation for why we ended up together, or what makes us tick as a couple or why this woman is my world. That is what makes it all the more interesting. We also have reason to believe that our match was made by the matchmaking Guru himself!

Why does one bring up ones appreciation for his wife or marriage or the matchmaker right now?

The one thing that has kept me deeply distracted from my fathers hospitalization and all the phone calls to India is the visuals and the soundtrack from Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, the latest movie starring one of my all time favorite heroes, ShahRukh Khan.

The story of a boring average man, marrying a vivacious young girl due to fate and chance, trying to win her love by living a double life that is partly his usual boring self and partly his wifes flamboyant wannabe dance partner.

If you read the reviews for this movie, the first thing you will hear is, how lame the heroine must be for not being able to distinguish between her boring husband and her flirty dance partner, essentially the same guy with only a different hairstyle and a pencil thin moustache to disguise him.

You will also read about the stupidity of the hero in trying to test his wife to see if she will chose the boring guy over the dancer because her husband loves her deeply and it is for her to see that love and realize that.

Then the reviews will go on to praise SRK for his acting, the soundtrack, the confidence with which first time heroine Anushka Sharma has acted and danced, the comedy of Phatak, etc.

What is most interesting in this movie is the realism. Okay, realism in an SRK bollywood movie is mostly seen as an oxymoron by most. So, I will have to explain, that too with a personal perspective.

Once upon a time, a young lad who came to the USA about sixteen odd years ago was a hopeless romantic. He did not even know that he was the hopeless romantic type because he had no time for girls or women till then.

One fine day, he started writing poems and started dreaming with his eyes open. As a girl put it, he hit puberty at 22 and went from 16 to 22 in two weeks and still had to learn the difference between love and infatuation. That is when another girl read his poem and quoted a russian saying "good love breeds babies, bad love breeds poems". That just confused him a lot more. He started saying cliches like "Women!"

Being a Ph.D. student, any methodical attempts to systematically understand women, what they want, why they want, how they want, etc. ended up consistantly with singularities, infinite loops, moebius strips and more cliches.

At the same time another profound piece of advice from an elder cousin, "If a girl says she is interested in you, kisses you, even sleeps with you, it still doesn't mean she loves you. It just means she wanted to kiss you or sleep with you!". Hmm, with advice like that, the Ph.D. in love had its graduation date moved indefinitely.

The quest for love or at least a simpler understanding of what consituted love continued. Then came dancing! Ballroom dancing is complicated. The music and the motions are easy, it is the emotions that are difficult minefields.

Once a famous dance instructor, taught a group of dancers a very simple lesson, when we were in the UK for a dance competition. (Yes, you could get paid trips to the UK to compete in dance competitions). He asked all the men and women to line up on opposite sides of the floor. Then the women got to pick a random partner. The men held the women with a single hand hold and the women were asked to move around the men, while still in that hand hold.

He would ask the women to move close in normal hold (1 foot away), then get close within inches of each others face, make the woman move away and turn her back (3 feet away), walk behind the man and around him, etc. etc. He asked the women to describe the emotion they saw on the mens faces, that too after we switched partners a few times.

The statistic was overwhelming. The men smiled when the women drew close and showed sadness when the women went away. They were so transparent! What was really surprising was that the women also smiled when they came closer to the men and stopped smiling when they moved away.

That whole statistic might be skewed by the fact that everyone in that room was a ballroom dancer. It is like looking at a fishbowl and explaining how all fishes like the water, so take it for what it is worth.

Based on that above experiment, one should realize that irrespective of chemistry there is some emotion that comes through in dancing with a partner. To top things off, if that girl happens to be gorgeous, skimpily clad or both, you have to focus on the dancing and tone down on the emoting! That part is easy if you respect the woman. There is no "Rakhi" required!

Is there a higher probability of dance partners falling in love? Maybe, maybe not. Dancing with a person doesn't make you fall in love. Falling in love with a person might make you want to dance! That part comes from the heart. Will swear by it!

After surviving years of dancing with women, with only a few scars in my heart, I did find the one destined for me, far away from a dance floor. To this day, the Mrs. and me have not danced together, although she was my best critic.

When someone goes through an arranged marriage with another person they know very little about, barring a few simple things like

a. a smile that lights you up
b. a voice that sounds soothing
c. gorgeous
d. a dress sense that appeals to you
e. gorgeous
f. come to think of it, really gorgeous
g. shy
h. c., e., and f., all over again...

It takes some time to build that relationship, till you realize one fine day that you are indeed head over heels in love, and it is usually for none of the reasons cited above! One can only give the male perspective here, as the female perspective cannot be found, put in words or explained in any language known to man.

Somewhere in the process of building that relationship as a married man, a "family man", even a hopeless romantic gets so caught up with the daily grind that he can become the boring average person, who simply goes about doing his job, making ends meet, getting into a routine, smug in his knowledge of 1001 things you can do on a silicon wafer or 101 ways to change a diaper.

The romantic streak is still alive, but much like a candle wick sucking on that last drop of molten wax, with the flame barely visible. A flame that barely threatens your fingers and tempts you to extinguish it with a simple squeeze. It is a flame nevertheless and given some more wax it can recreate the magic of what it once was.

There is also something to be said about the tacit understanding that passes for love when two people spend a decade together. There is love in mundane things that are said or done, without being specified explicitly. There maybe some love, even in boredom and monotony.

Rab De, presented all this with an amazing realism. The thing that touched a cord was the difference between explicitly expressed love, the type where a guy gets a chance to sweep a woman off her feet, something that is unique because it is not a daily event, something on a grand scale that can make memories, lasting ones, in sharp contrast to implicit tacit love, that is unsaid, given without any expectations.

Unconditional love that is as true in its abstract grandeur even though it has no voilins playing in the backdrop or firecrackers lighting up the sky. A bond that two people can share in silence, a truth that is self consistant within two souls, without the requirement for any reinforcement from anyone else.

Take heart, for there is hope for boring men, who screamed romance openly a few years ago, but have now been delegated to dishwashing duties and diaper changing and somehow don't say "I love you!" enough times in a 24 hour day, but still have that small romantic spark alive in them.

All it takes is some hair gel, sunglasses, tight fitting clothes, take a chance on your dancing and you too can be Jodi No. 1, as long as the Missus co-operates. If she likes to wear spandex, even better!

Loved this movie, and that was easy being an SRK fan. He consistanly manages to make me teary eyed when it comes to sentimental love stories and his goofiness and dancing are a treat to watch. The music is amazing. Your feet just start moving automatically. In the fourteen times I have heard "Tujh mein rab dikhta hai", got goosebumps all 14 times.

Go see it. Just take the moustache/sunglass part in the same spirit as Lois Lane takes Clark Kent/Superman! and you might come out with a smile on your face, and that flame might flicker and grow slightly bigger.

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Love is in the air

It has been a month since the MIL fractured her leg, by simply stepping on a stone while walking Jr. back home from school. Don't be fooled by all that hoopla about the "stepping stones for success". All it takes is one small stone at the wrong place and success will be a distant dream. This post is not about the stone, or the leg for that matter. It is about Romance...

How does one get from a Mother in law's fractured leg to Romance? This sounds more complicated than the Kevin Bacon game, right?

Actually it is very simple. The MIL is a regular reader of novels in the Romance section of the library and on every visit, she grabs, nay, gently picks a dozen of these tender books. The titles range from extremely sappy to heavily scientific and sometimes even bordering on the forensic, but the covers are almost always a dead giveaway.

The covers feature a topless dude with a woman showing ample cleavage(Did NOT get that reversed on accident!), usually wrapped around him with a rose that varies in position, sometimes in his hand, her hand, his mouth, etc. etc. Sometimes the woman is in full bridal dress and the guy is still a topless hunk and the background seems to be some tropical island! The covers and the descriptions of the story line on the back, do not have much logic and for some reason remind you of T. Rajendar movies!

One gets to learn that men on these covers had to have been airbrushed before the books went into print. Seriously, if you do not believe me, please check out the romance novel section in your local public library!

It so happened that the MIL was done with her last dozen and wanted me to return her books. Having done many things as a dutiful son in law, when your MIL is not able to move, questions like "Can you get some things from the garage? Can you get me some medicine? Can you get me my crutches?" were a piece of cake! "Can you return my books in the library?" came the question and the obvious answer was "No problem. Give me that."

That is when she dropped the bombshell. With pleading eyes she asked, "While you are there, can you get me some more of these books? I can tell you exactly where they are in the library!"

On first thought did not understand why she had to be so apologetic in tone when asking me that question. The little one and me were going to visit the library to get our dose of kids videos and DVD's anyway. What was the big deal? "Sure, no problem!" came the answer.

Only when I walked into the Romance section (2nd floor, make a right, then a left and walk all the way to the corner.. as per MIL's precise directions) did I realize what Bhasmasura must have felt, after he let Mohini lure him into certain death!

There were no men in the Romance section! The MIL might have as well given me directions to go into the ladies restroom in the library. Old chinese grandmas were giving me the look! My only defense was the little one, who kept talking and attracted more attention to her daddy trying to decide the best method to pick romance novels for his mother in law to read.

Two things need to be clarified here.

1. Even if one is a self proclaimed very liberal democrat, one feels a certain awkwardness when in new territory like this.

2. If I had to go the science and technology section and pick the best books on certain subjects, the process would have been fast and had reasonable success. Even if one has a romantic streak in him and has successfully "romanced"?! his wife for almost a decade, these novel covers and the titles do not tell you much about the quality of what is inside. They all look the same! "Death by moonlight" , "Emma's Secret" and "Spymaster" all have similar guys and babes on the cover!

There was only one thing left to do! Ask the little one to do "eenie meenie mynie mo. catch the lover by the toe!". Just when we were about to apply that algorithm on the top shelf of books, a sudden brainwave struck daddy! The Dewey catalog stickers had nice little red hearts on them and they were worn out to varying degrees!

All we had to do was pick the books with many hearts and pick books with really worn out stickers (more people must have read them or possibly judging by the crowd there, re-read them or re-re-read them!).

Within the next 30 seconds, a half dozen books were picked, tucked under one arm while the little one was bundled under the other arm and we walked out to the self checkout counter.

A few more folks had amused looks on their faces with my selection of books as I checked them out with a sheepish grin. The MIL of course oblivious of our little adventures, thanked me and the little one for getting her a fresh supply!

The best part of the whole deal was that the MIL has now declared "All the books you picked were excellent! How did you manage to pick consistantly good books? Almost all the time 30% of the books I get are only so...so!"

Now she knows my secret!

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