Missing you brother..

It is going to be almost 22 years since my older cousin passed. This week more than anything, have been thinking about some conversations we had when I first came to the USA. 

The week I came here, my room mate and me went to stay with him for three days to get a crash course on living in the USA, student life in the USA, literally a crash course.. 

As a kid, did not get to spend too much time with him except the occasional one hour visits every few years but we had a special wavelength to communicate. A few weeks after we were settling in, he picked us up and took us to Allentown from Philadelphia and we were having a fun time.  

I was up early. He came down in his pyjamas and goes "Murali, paal vaanga poren da.. let's go!". It was me, Ganesh(his cousin) and my cousin with him still driving in pyjamas. I was meekly asking "you are coming dressed like that ? " and he goes "it is a local grocery store. just because I have to go drive to the place doesnt mean I have to wear my pants".. and the lessons continued!

On the way back home we are having a conversation and suddenly he goes "I want you to settle down here. I know you want to go back, but I don't think you are going to go back". 

Told him "as soon as I finish my Ph.D. I am going back to be a professor in India" and he gave me his all knowing laugh. He said "my advice to you if you want to stay on that? don't get a drivers license here". 

He said "you should get your parents here also someday!" and I laughed. This was like picking doorknobs for a castle in the clouds. . . 

We go back into the house and he says "give me a few minutes. I am going to give you something!"

After a few minutes he comes back and hands me a very worn out book and says "this is yours now. I cherished this book. Want you to have it. Read it and it might change your mind!"

It says Mali, Vandy 1979.. He got his Ph.D. from Vanderbilt and I am guessing Vandy stands for Vanderbilt. Mali, aka Balan came to the US in 1977. Do not know the history behind this book. Don't know who gave him that book or if he bought it. It was already 10+ years old at that point. (corrected the age of that book.. got it wrong first time)

Read that book that same weekend. While it made me appreciate the US of A in a different way, my mind was still not changed at that point. That book has travelled with me over the years and I am going to make Jr. and the little one read it someday. 

Recently there was an interesting discussion at a Navarathri party. It was the theroy that the USA belonging to the whites settlers who first came to this country.  It was an Indian guy who was not a citizen mentioning this and he was comparing the USA to a large company and he said that the latest employees of the company cannot except the same treatment as the founders and early employees. He was being sympathetic to some of his colleagues who genuinely felt that this was their advantage and put forward that analogy.

I found that interesting because my view of the USA is not that of an established company. If you say that about countries that have had an ancient culture and civilization and a predominantly homogenized population maybe.. like India, China, Egypt, you might have a point. The United States is like a startup. There are guys who came in with the seed (idea and money) and as the company grew, they went from Series A to B to C to.. In every round there are new investors (blood sweat and tears) and stake holders (folks buying into our economy), new folks come in to make a contribution to the company that are vital to moving it forward. Before you know it, it takes a village to make this company go on its course. The European folks who came there were series A, the Black folks  series B, the Asians series C...if you want to think about it that way.. and there are new waves of folks who will come and continue to make this country better. On a timescale of few hundred years, the USA is a startup and it is an evolving startup at that. Sure the series A stock holders get a better deal, but as new investors come in, there are new board members, new VP's, go ask any guy who has been part of a startup as it matures!

After that discussion, I was thinking "maybe I should go give this book to a bunch of folks". Did come home to read some pages of that book and was thinking about my brother again. May not have had quantity time with the dude, but defiintely had quality time. As I sit here typing this, it feels like he is right next to me grinning.. 

He is probably laughing at my drivers license, shaking his head and going "Told you so!"

The good, the bad, and now the Ugly

The whole series of posts on the recent 11 day trip to Chennai is coming to an end!

While those posts were a travelogue or commentary on the humorous side, mostly focusing on how the kids and the wedding brought back great memories, there is one last post that deals with things that remind you of how things could be better.

After my previous India trip, a lesson learnt was that if you do not live in India, anything slightly negative about India, will get you in trouble. Even if one mentally prepares to take an argument to the end, it still irks you to find out that you lose the right to say anything negative about India, if you reside abroad. It also gets ridiculous because the people who take you to task are the same ones who seem to have some kind of birthright to criticize things in the USA, although they dont reside in the USA!

In any case, this post will simply point out three things that were observed during the trip (which may be more information, than rant)!

1. Follow the Arrow (the line side, not the triangle side)

This seems to be a repeated theme in airports, stores, etc. where there is a board which shows an arrow for a line or a service, and the cops, regulators have the line setup elsewhere. Mutliple lines form because of the chaos and the last come get served first!!! Happened at Mumbai airport in the "transit" area! It was pathetic.

We had 100+ people, old people, little kids, who came by Jet Air (we were put on Jet through Shanghai after our Cathay flight through Hong Kong was cancelled because of a typhoon) and we were cooped up in a small waiting area to be transported to the domestic terminal to catch a flight to Chennai! There was one set of restrooms, both blocked by garbage and not in usable condition, no access to drinking water and we were told to wait for 2 hours there.

Why? because it is the Mumbai airport that provides the connecting shuttle and not the airlines! So the airlines people blamed the airport folks and the airport folks pointed the finger back at the airlines. There were five newbie kids in blue suits and orange ties who were asking "how may I help you?" when we walked in to hand over our baggage, but were useless and totally ineffective in helping anyone!

Apparently they were all "trainees". After some drama and what would have almost been a lynch mob, they got two shuttles to transport us to the domestic terminal, so no one would miss their connecting flights! The funny thing was the trainees pointed to the arrow and the people who were in urgent need of the shuttle waited by the door only to find that the folks who least needed the shuttle ended up getting in through another door (courtesy of a chain gate and backdoor line set up by same trainees!)

Same thing at the Chennai airport. There is a big sign that says "-> Check in" and you will see a policeman direct you to the exact opposite direction! Then there will be another cop who says "get in line. you are not in the line!" because you were redirected for follwoing the big painted "official" sign board!

Lesson : If you are travelling in India, don't count on FIFO. If there is a counter which says "tickets", do not go stand in front of that counter. You might never even get a ticket! Wait a few minutes to see a line form, then see where the ticket seller actually shows up. There will be a last minute scramble to get to the new location of the counter, and make sure you have the vantage point from which you can make it to the new counter or door or gateway.

2. Always build a temple (before you build a house)

After landing in Chennai, was calling Chennai Call taxi to get a ride. Was in the process of giving our door number when my dad suddenly corrected me..

Dad : "we are not 3/4 anymore, we are now 5/4"!
Me : WTF? When did that happen.. from when I was a baby this has been 3/4. I don't understand!
Dad : After all these years, the street temple has been given a number. Also the illegal house built with a shared wall to the street temple (both built by same dude, who was a king in the illicit liquor business in his heyday) have been given legitimate street numbers (this after 25 years mind you!).

You have to see this to believe it. There is a temple in the street corner. Sharing a floor and a wall with this temple is what appears to be a garage which also doubles up as a prayer hall, and on top of it is a residence! Imagine all the trouble the old folks in this street go through because their door number changed. Go back and do an address change in anything and everything from old bank records, insurance files, etc. etc. ! Bummer.

Lesson : If you want total protection for your house irrespecive of MMDA approval, postal department approval, which political party is in power, etc. dont buy insurance. Just build a temple as part of your house and you are covered. Lord Ganesha is the worlds best home insurance dude!

3. If you feed them, they will come ! (A must read if you plan on opening a restaurant).

Oh wait, I predict that the only restaurants in Chennai will be Saravana Bhavan's or Sangeetha's in ten years. Everything else will be bought by these two guys. They are spreading faster than the Starbucks craze in the USA. Every street corner has a "Sangeetha's".

Little wonder then, that there is a Sangeetha's next to our place also. Apparently they showed a garage in the basement while getting their permit and are now using the basement as storage. That means the customers park on the street and jam the road!

Now what happens? The entire road is made a "one way". One way's are the universal solution to all traffic jams in Chennai. If the Chennai politicians food gets into a jam in his stomach, he will probably make his @$$ "one way"!

As usual, instead of keeping my mouth shut, I ask the people around me, "Why don't you guys complain to the cops? This Sangeetha's is running a valet parking service on the street, when he is illegal in the first place. That parking is for residents!"

They quietly pointed to the three cops redirecting the "valet" effort. Apparently the cops get a free breakfast, lunch and dinner at the restaurant and therefore complaining against their annadaata might not work out in the best interests of the residents!

Lesson: Follow the food chain before you make hasty judgments!

Why bother to write about these things?

In spite of the trip being a short one, there has been plenty of time within the 11 days to do some soul searching on Chennai, never going back, fitting in, etc.

One of my Chinese friends remarked that India could use a project manager like me. He said "If they had ten guys like you, you would whip that place to compete with the US!". Told him that while being extremly happy at that compliment, being a great project manager in the USA does not mean success in India. My own parents never approve of my methods.

Finally told him, "They will throw me out, because they cannot handle me". His response "Why? What is wrong with you?"

Have been trying to answer that question. For starters, "speaking out" is considered a risky activity by everyone in the family. Hush, keep quiet, what if someone hears you, why do you want to buy trouble, etc. etc. is all they tell me, when my blood boils at seeing something and I actually try to go take someone to task, be it a storekeeper, a call taxi dude or a cop! My relatives promptly tell me "you dont know how things work here. your memory of this place is still based on what you saw as a school and college kid fifteen years ago. Things are different now!"

Also, any attempt to point out the current state and a suggestion to improve is always considered as a "negative" stand on the current state of things. This is a catch 22. Why?

Improvement is change in the positive direction.
It can be seen only if measured simply as an equation

"Change = New - Old"

That means, there has to be a mention of the "old" or current and if that is perceived as accusatory, finger pointing, NRI attitude etc., then there is no point in continuing a conversation. For every improvement there is a reason. A problem statement, which when attacked methodically, can have a solution which should also be measured against to verify that improvement has indeed happened!

Any discussion of the metrics, and the discussion turns to argument and the "we are happy with what we have" sets in!

Thought right is right and wrong is wrong... and boy was I wrong on that one!

In any case, it has been proven to me that life for an average middle class person in an Indian Metro like Chennai is ridden with issues that the people just put up with, for fear of retribution. To me, that is unacceptable in the worlds largest democracy, but then again, I do NOT partake in that democratic process and the people who do the "putting up with BS" tell me that it is their way of life and they did not ask me to come and try to change things (for fear that it might make things worse for them after I leave) and have instead gotten used to it!

With that in mind, will leave them to their ways, and will keep myself busy with my way of life. My retirement age just got advanced another 10 years thanks to Lehman, the banks, the @$$holes who gave home loans and the @$$holes who took home equity loans on their homes (which they had no way of affording in the first place) to pay for trips to exotic islands and are now cooly declaring foreclosures and bankruptcys!

I want my money back!! All of my retirement money.. NOW!! Want every person who gave loans without checking background on the loan applicants to be arrested. Want every one who took that loan, to have stuff they bought repossessed. Why should sincere people shoulder the burden of the irresponsible? How can these guys who borrowed money knowing that they can never pay it back, be allowed to walk away with no consequence? This is economic terrorism inflicted by an irresponsible few on the taxpaying many. Is anybody listening?

Well, guess not! So life is not much different in the USA after all. Much like that cop who gets fed by Sangeetha's restaurant, the politicians and regulatory agencies here were probably fed by Lehman?!

For those of you who came here expecting funny stuff, my apologies. We will get back to the lighter side of life starting tomorrow.

It has indeed, been a long day! A ten year extension of your retirement age will do that to you.

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Too much love

Jr. got a homework assignment from her school. They gave her two germinated seeds (just germinated!), in a cup with her name on it.

The goal: Learn how plants come from seeds.
How : go home, ask your parents to put some dirt in the cup, put the seeds, water it and watch it grow and as bring it back to school.

I promptly put some mud from the backyard, planted the seeds, while mommy watered it in front of Jr. and grandma pitched in by saying "sunlight is very important. lets keep it on the window sill with the rest of the plants".

Jr. of course was learning another hidden lesson, zen style. The plant does not grow instantly. Every 5 minutes she would go look for a plant. After my repeated answers of "it takes some time to grow", she reduced the frequency to every hour or so..

The next morning, she went first to look for her plant! Still no plant. She was disappointed. I told her "Trust me. In two days there will be a plant!".

Four days later, this is what we have in the cup!

Yes. Looks like the seed has become fungus fodder!

Looks like Jr. is not the only one learning lessons here. Apparently, with the responsibility of not disappointing the poor kid, all the adults in the house, have been showering love on Jr., by indirectly showering the cup with water! Three people watering the seeds everytime they go near the kitchen sink was too much for the seedlings!!

Lessons learned :

Jr.:
Plants maybe grow from seeds?
If they grow, they need the seed, soil, water, sunlight.
It takes a long time for plants to grow, longer if grown by adults.
I hope all the other parents did the same thing with the seeds!

Mommy, grandma :
From now on only daddy does these activity homeworks.

Daddy :
My name is in the mud now, literally!!

I am sure there will be a lot more plants to grow, butterflies to incubate, cakes to bake etc. etc. in the coming years. Hope I get better at supporting those projects!

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