When life gives you a rollercoaster, go for a ride!
Sunday, December 14, 2008 at 12:56AM Probably not the most original or thoughtful title for a post... but hey, it is one of those days!
The morning started off with dropping San's uncle at the airport. From there we went for a Christmas party at IBM. It was a copy of the party we attended last year. We had as much fun as last year if not more!
There were ballons, caricatures, photos with Santa, face painting, cookie decorating, nice music in the background, clown, did I say balloons?
There were many Caricature artists, but we found the same guy who did the drawings for the kids last year and waited for him in line. Now we get to see the kids face change, as seen by the eyes of the caricature dude, aka Big Al.
We came home and found missed calls from my brother and sister and a message to "call India when you get a chance". Today being my birthday based on the Tamizh Calendar, guessed that they had just tried to wish me on my birthday, saw that it was past midnight in India, hit the delete button on the machine and dozed off for a full two hours in the afternoon.
Woke up, worked, and was on the phone with a colleague when an India call announced that my dad had suffered a heart attack and was in ICU. How were we to know the sense of urgency with a "call back when you can?". Apparently things were hectic there and they did not know what to tell me and also did not want me to worry!!
Went through the quick cycle of anger, denial, feeling of general impotentence, guilt, anger ,denial.. etc. etc. The standard feeling which many a son/daughter settled in a different far away land has felt before me, something that many more sons and daughters will feel in the future, where they wish the Star Trek Transporter should be a household appliance.
We had advance booked tickets to go see the latest SRK movie, and after talking to my mom decided to actually go to the movie. In a weird way, the act of going to the movie kind of made me realize the pointlessness of being here and wishing for some magic wand to wave over time and space.
The latest is that my dad is weak after the angiogram and will need an angioplasty in the next few days. The angiogram itself has left him weakened is what we are told and he is now under medication. Funny thing is they did not detect a massive attack for 48 hours. They took X-Rays when he complained of back and knee pain and told him it was the strain of lifting objects! Only after he complains of pain in his chest does he get an ECG.
Jr. and the little one know daddy is worried, but cannot understand why. They are trying to cheer daddy up or worse case provide enough distraction. We are back to our laptops and life goes on.
My mother gave me a profound thought earlier today which was resonated by San's cousin. When my mom wished that I was also there in India and how my brother is going through a very difficult time juggling work, hospital, etc. etc., my immediate thought was "why dont you guys come here? I can take care of you if you come here"
The simple response was "You live abroad for 15 years and have difficulties everytime you come here for 15 days. I have lived here for 65 years!!! Not easy for me to come there and adapt at this age!".
Somthing to think about. Lots of questions, no answers.
At the end of the day, have to thank god for this day where
got to talk to family
got to see the kids smile
got to hear that my dad is getting better
so will leave you all with these pictures :
Clown!
Balloons..
Balloons galore
Posing for caricature with Big Al
Posing with Rosa..
The caricatures (compare them to last year). 
The little one all focussed in decorating a cookie!
Finally, the photo op with Santa.
There we have it!
Some day this was...
.
Reader Comments (19)
Indeed a tough time Sundar. I have no words for you. For what you feel, you will uniquely feel. I know how it is... for i too am on a similar ride.
I only wish things that the tide will change. And he will come out of ICU at the earliest...
Moments like this, get clouded in multiple feelings and emotions. I have learnt it is best to face facts and stay with it,keeping the rest out for as long as one can. It has been a tough ask though.
I dont know what i write here. For in a strange way, i feel your pain. Very deeply.
I just want to let you know that he and you will be in our prayers..
Take care..and let me know if tehre is some way in which i can be of help
Sundar,
Take care and stay strong. You need to be the pillar now for everyone in your family. It's easy to say. Accept the present and go with the flow. Don't think or worry too much. I have gone through this multiple times. Haven't found a solution yet.
Take care,
V
my prayers are with you and your family :)
I see the stress my parents go through when these calls come and I can't even begin to fathom what it most be like to not have your loved ones near you.
take care,
Sivajini
Sorry to hear about your dad; hope he recovers fully. Hardest part of being immigrants is dealing with parents' health.
On a lighter note ... looks like San was so distracted by the inlaw's heart attack that her photo filter let the picture with Santa through.
oh! hope your dad gets well soon. when i read this post, i somehow got the feeling that you are too stressed out or confused... please take care and hope all will turn out well.
My prayers are with you. I hope your dad recovers fully.
Sriram
Hi Sunder,
May GOD bless the family with the more strength to take care of this! I came to visit after a long time your blog but happy that came on right time..
You an family will be in our prayers now..Your daughters has grown up nice...
Take Care!
Wishes that your dad recovers fast!
I can't believe they said "lifting weights". Shouldn't they do all the tests first - just in case?!
Sundar:
We pray for your dad's speedy recovery! On a lighter, happy belated birthday! See, I read your posts fully!!
Sreela
Hi. Hope your dad feels better soon. The pics are great as always. Best wishes.
Sundar -
Please call me
(707)-425-4010 Home
(707)-344-4265 Cell.
Wanna talk to you about your DAD etc.
Thank you
-Narayanan.
Sundar-
We had no idea evenw hen we saw you guys briefly yeterday, hope your dad is on the recovery path.
Sundar,
Sorry to hear about all the agony you would have undergone. As you said, you are not alone. There are many, many people who live in such a situation. One of my ex-boss's wife keeps travelling to Australia very often to visit her sick parents. This is kind stuff we need to face boldly having come so far away. I understand your difficulties.
My prayers to all of you, and wish your Dad a speed recovery. You will be alright Sundar. Face this situation courageously. You will become more strong after this.
Stay strong and my prayers are with you and your family. It is hard being an immigrant when parents are getting older. Whenever I get phone calls from India at odd hours, I start to panic and my stomach starts to churn.
Hope someone finds a solution to this, like a 1 hour flight from US to India
Aruna
Hope your dad gets well soon.
-kajan
sundar:
hope your father gets well soon...
"When my mom wished that I was also there in India and how my brother is going through a very difficult time juggling work, hospital, etc. etc. ..."
maybe some of your blogpals in chennai can help. that would be nice if they could do something to relieve your sibling(s).
btw, i envy the nice christmas party! the last time i had a half decent christmas party at work was about 14 years ago. ibm rules!!
balaji:
"One of my ex-boss's wife keeps travelling to Australia very often to visit her sick parents."
i don't think we can compare indians to folks from most other countries - that is an apples to oranges comparison. i recently saw a survey in readers digest ranking respondents from different countries in how often they called their mothers (or something like that). of the folks surveyed, our desis were #1, china was #2, and usa was about 5th or 6th.
- s.b.
Anony (S.B),
Even I was surprised about that person whom I had mentioned. There are exceptions everywhere. This had happened recently and he too accompanies his wife very often to be with his in-laws. He has even taken a break for six months and gone to Australia to be with them which you and me may not even think of.
I do know some desis who had been quite opposite as well. Anyhow, let us all wish a speedy recovery for Sundar's dad. That is the whole point.
Heres wishing your dad a very speedy recovery and my prayers are with you and your family.
Your situation (of being away from parents when they are old and unwell) applies to us who are in India, but in another city. We sure can fly and take care when the situation is grave, but long term care still is a problem when we are not physically close.
Generally kids follow their parents where their profession takes them. It is def not easy on the kids but they are dependent on the parents and learn to adjust. In an ideal world, when the parents get dependent on the kids, I would think they should follow their children. I totally agree its not easy, but would def make life simpler in most cases. Would this be too much to expect from parents ? Only time will give me an answer.
"You live abroad for 15 years and have difficulties everytime you come here for 15 days. I have lived here for 65 years!!! Not easy for me to come there and adapt at this age!". - Your Ma said it so aptly..