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Entries in women (11)

Tuesday
Jun022009

Those Three days - Part 1

This is a long post that has been cut into little segments for the sake of clarity. For a preamble see here.

The post(in many parts) are my views on what a woman is entitled to when she has her periods. If your fingers are already itching to type something or other in the comment box, I request you read through the rest of the post.

Why should a guy, any guy for that matter write about something that seems to be a very girly topic? Well, this is a daddy blog site and to cut to the chase, it almost feels like there are somethings where this dad might not have a say in how his little girls will get to live their life when they are not little girls anymore and that is the reason behind writing this. At least my little girls get to know that their dad started the "Vote No on Theetu" movement long before they became women.

On a tangential note, everyone from airline passengers to credit card holders is getting a nice crisp "bill of rights" these days. So why not women who have restrictions imposed on them roughly 10% of their adult life?

"Theetu" is the Tamizh term for well, I do NOT have a single english word for it. The closest we can come to any description is "quarantined" or "contaminated" or "segregated".. hopefully that gives you the general idea. A girl is considered to have theetu when she has her periods. Anything she touches becomes "theetu" as well. The exact rules of what "any" includes is not defined in any guidebook. Based on personal experience and inference, here is the high level list of things that we know can catch a "theetu"

1. other humans on contact including kids >1 year old

2. clothes belonging to the woman and other people in the house when in contact with her/her clothes, even if it is a mere brush. Van der walls forces based contact is enough if a widowed great grandmother is present in the house.

3. Any furniture when covered with cloth (as derived from #2)

4. Any vessel that the woman drinks from or eats from.

5. Anyone drinking or eating from utensils shared by woman with Theetu or by induction kids who stay with woman with theetu

and an equally high level known exceptions to the rule. These exceptions will be accepted 90% of the time by other visiting families..

1. Breastfeeding babies are exempt. They can be handed back and forth from the theetu woman.

2. New clothes that have not been washed (from the time they were purchased from the store that is) are exempt.

3. Rexine and other shiny vinyl or synthetic fabrics. That would explain why every Brahmin family in Chennai would have a couple of rexine covered pillows around. Number of pillows would be proportional to the maximum number of women in the house becoming theetu at any one time.

4. Plastic utensils. (any Materials Science major would know even as a child that plastic : Utensil :: Rexine : cloth )

5. Naked kids < 3 years old (this exception's acceptability varies)

6. Any rules valid inside the house are not valid outside the house.

There is a third set of rules on acceptable boundary conditions for theetu rules in the space time continuum. In what can be crudely described as Sundar's law of Universal theetality, where theta represents the ... forget it. Time to be serious again.

1. Theetu is always usually restricted to a corner of the living room directly across from the TV so that the woman can watch TV.

2. Theetu will also be restricted to a particular bedroom in the event the woman has kids <3 years old or still has a breastfeeding baby.

3. The woman/ girl is not allowed to enter the room or space which is designated as prayer area as well as the kitchen or cooking area.

4. For the most part they will be confined to the verandah

5. Theetu boundaries do cross over to your neighbors house if they observe theetu but magically disappear if the neighbor says "we do not follow the rules".

6. All theetu disappears when the woman reaches the street. However when she enters another relatives house who observe the rules, the force field becomes active again.

Given the 5 basic rules, the 6 exemptions and the 6 boundary conditions that have passed self-consistency checks over decades of observation, we are now ready to proceed to the next part.

The history of theetu... which will be covered in Those Three days - Part 2.
(preview, apparently south Indian Tamizh Brahmins are not the only ones who do this. Orthodox jews, south pacific islanders, some folks from central and south america and mexico also follow similar rules)

The posting will continue, interspersed with other regular happenings...

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Friday
May292009

A menstruating woman's bill of rights

This is the topic for a post that has long been in the inbox.

It might never see the light of day and chances are the family (both immediate and extended) will make me take it down with a day or hours after it is posted...

(original title was going to be "Andha moonu naatkal" or "those three days")

It was one of those from the heart posts, going over my(?!) experience of the women who were/are dearest to me going through uncalled for hardships in the name of god, country, religion and culture during times when they should be treated like royalty.

All this was triggered by the usual etcahi (saliva contact), pathu (think of it as microwaving food half eaten), theetu (impure in a germ context) debate in this household. Something I promised to eradicate as a child, at least when I became the head of the family.

In any case, this is a Pre-post.. sometimes it is worth the pre-post to see how well the real post will be received! No?

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Monday
May112009

Three questions - many answers

These are questions that are being thrown out there with no expecations.. this is like me shouting at the ocean on Marina Beach in Madras during one of those bouts of extreme helplessness..

The ocean just absorbs my loudest scream so effortlessly. All I get in return is a local sense of calm as the waves lap my feet.

Maybe this post will give me that same feeling. Writing a post and putting it out there on the internet, is in a lot of ways like shouting at the waves. Not that these questions need answering, but putting them out there might give a sense of relief...

1. Is there any mother out there who can go on a polygraph and pass when asked the question "do you love your daughter-in-law as much as you love your daughter?" and she replies "Yes"? (assuming she is not an ex-CIA mom who was trained to beat a polygraph..)

2. Is it safe for any woman to be a homemaker? Are there that many trustworthy men in this world who can be counted on, or should I ask "are there that many trusting women out there? In today's world it is even more difficult for a home maker to find employment (or get employed again after a long break in employment) than it is for a working mom to adapt to being a stay at home mom. This comment is not being raised in the context of the man leaving the woman, but was sparked by thoughts along the lines of the man having poor health, falling sick constantly and by extension, being a prime candidate for disability or death, leaving the woman to take care of the family.

3. Do long distance relationships have a higher chance of failure? Does this higher chance hold true for blood relations also? Is physical proximity a requirement for a blood relationship like a grandparent, parent, child, sibling or are those bonds like the frienships you form in high school or college. You haven't talked to a person for a year and you call them on the phone and you just pick up where you left off.. there is always a welcome smile and open arms. Is it like that for blood relatives? Does "out of sight, out of mind" necessarily translate to "permanently out of mind"?

The neurons fire badly and erratically this week. Hay fever and tylenol allergy sinus may not have much to do with it. The questions keep bouncing inside the head and for some strange reason remind me of a computer game we used to play a long time ago called Jeezball. You box a bunch of bouncing balls into the smallest pockets only to realize that the more you box them in, the more difficult it is to contain them.

The waves might lap at my feet or the unseen Tsunami might throw me over. There are plenty of real and virtual moms, mothers in law around me, working at a home or office and the first two questions are not with respect to anyone in particular. As most or all of you know, I have given up trying to understand women. As long as they understand you, you are fine. Maybe Moses did not part the red sea.. the red sea parted for Moses, the red sea being a lot bigger and all.. same logic.

Question 3 is part of some soul searching.

Three questions, many answers, not necessarily right or wrong answers, just many many different answers!

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Tuesday
Sep112007

Shah Rukh Magic

Watched Chak De India over the weekend. I came out all teary eyed. I would have gone and watched it anyways being an SRK fan, and sooner if it werent for the hectic trip to the east coast.

It is the only movie which I have watched to this date where I have come out and said "I would watch this again!". I still cannot get the visuals out of my head or the Maula Mere song that still keeps running in the background.

It is a movie to be watched on the big screen. A very realistic sports movie with a message on todays reality when it comes to :

1. how women are treated
2. how sports are treated
3. how sportswomen are treated
4. how religion gets into sports
5. how the general public reacts to sporting events

There are multiple messages that come out in this movie, but they are all told in a very subtle sublime way, without pushing the message across forcefully or melodramatically.

On a side note, if you want to get back memories of being cooped up in a small common room in a dormitory with 100 other students to watch world cup cricket or soccer and you are holding on to go to the restroom.. drink a large coke while watching Chak De India. Makes the movie watching more interesting towards the climax!

SRK rocks!

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Thursday
Aug232007

Perspective

Went to the local video store with Jr. and the little one.

Was waiting for the traffic light to turn green, when a biker came and stopped next to us at the light. This was a big white dude in bike shorts, with tattoos all over his arms and legs, multiple earings on each ear, matted long brown hair (Bob Marley style) and a bandana over his head.

Jr. was observing him from the car seat in the back for the entireity of the traffic light cycle and when we started turning, said:

"Daddy, I don't think I have ever seen a woman with a moustache before!"

Her innocence and sincerity in believing that statement, just cracked me up. I had to grab the steering wheel with both hands to steady the vehicle.

"Kuttyma, it is a guy with long hair! Not a woman with a moustache!" I said and she goes: "No daddy, that WAS a woman with a moustache!". We argued this back and forth a few times and I just gave up.

Now we have a latest addition to the list of Santa, Tooth Fairy, Racco the bad Racoon who runs the school for misbehaving kids.....

The moustached woman!

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